I’ve always wanted to do this.
What took me so long? Fear, doubt, most likely over thinking. If overthinking was an olympic sport, I would for sure be a gold medalist. I read something today that said excessive overthinking is a trauma response from childhood for being criticized too much, to analyze everything just to be accepted by your parents. You had to keep your mouth shut to keep the peace in a chaotic house. Might explain my clenched jaw, I’ve been wondering why I carry so much tension in my jaw, grinding at night, clenching in stressful moment (all the time). I see now, it’s the inner child, keeping her mouth shut, to be a good girl and keep quiet. After all, good kids are seen not heard.
Its funny to just take a moment to watch the thoughts roll by. They are quiet absurd sometimes, like who cares about all the side effects from Sucralose, well I sure do, I spent a good chunk of time thinking about it today and had to google it. The overthinking tsunami mind goes to wonder why would the FDA allow these things in our food, contrarily other countries wouldn’t think of allowing this poison. This could continue, but I look down and catch a glimpse at the tiny message I tattooed on my wrist, the memo I was shown on multiple powerful journeys, surrender. Instantly I take a deep breath, pause and appreciate. Feels good to be alive. The tsunami mind is the default, thankful to have found breath work, meditation, awareness and the realization that we are not are thoughts, they don’t define us. Non-Attachment is a practice I have to regularly remind myself of, its so easy to cling an emotion to a thought (another default). Life could be so simple if we just allow it to be. Go listen to Burgs, Mt.Wolf, those lyrics are food for the soul.
The mind is peculiar in how it can take you on a wild ride. I met a woman not too long ago at my very first experience at the Santo Daime church. We got to chatting, expressing our passion for Alan Watts, Ram Dass and she said her mind is like “Untamed Bulldog.” The way she said it shocked me, it was like she took on the face, expression and sound of a rabid dog! The image of her saying that to me stuck, I find myself thinking about how the mind can go in that direction of a feral beast and it can be a tranquil a calm lake. The most interesting thing is we have the choice, our thoughts can be our sickness or our medicine. Choose wisely.
Blessings. H
